Trying to calm the waves

In the last week I have been trying to make our living arrangement nicer, it went as follows

Back from holiday on the Thursday night. (He fell asleep on the sofa)

Friday - tense but he left at about 2pm to go way for the weekend, this was already planed.

Monday - woke up and found him asleep on the sofa. So I went to work as normal, He had the day off to get over the weekend. Got back from work and he was not there. He was collecting the birds from his mothers. Helped him get the birds in and then he went out. I found his wedding ring on his desk.

Tuesday - normal day a little strained in the house in the morning. got back from work walked the dog and then fell asleep

Wednesday - Can not live with the not talking but don't know how to get us to open up to one another, so I left him a note under his wedding ring, Asking him if he had given up on us.

Got home from work and just started talking to him about it. The out come of the talk is that how thing run in home will change and he is worried about money. We also talked about the emotional side of our relationship and he was unsure that this part of it will change.

I have agreed to review it at Christmas.

I don't know if the changes will be enough but at least it is a nice place to live without the atmosphere.

mmm

The Holiday was good and we did some different things than we had done before. My friends were as lovely as ever, even if I did not feel I spent enough time with them.

The problem with the holiday was, I got drunk, cried and asked for a divorce!

Was this the best way to do it probably not but is there any way I could have done it differently?

This is what I want but is it going to be really had o do. I have read the detail of how to get a divorce and we do not fit into the categories. Adultery, not do that and this is why I want it so that I don't do this and hurt him too much. (like asking, what i did, would not hurt!)

He said he was not surprised and we had drifted apart.

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! why do I always rock the boat!

A little bit of me is asking was this the right thing to do? or am I just looking for an easy life.

A friend has told me to think about where I want to be in 5 years time and is he in the picture. I don't think so as he would be happy to be in the same place as we are now and I want to do so many things and travel and go out more and eat nice food and nasty food (as least I tried it), but he will be happy to eat and the same place over and over again. Stay in and do nothing!

so my plan so far is:

Find out if I am able to buy him out of the house or do it up and sell it (but I think that will take too long)

I will keep you updated as to what will happen!

Holiday Season

Well its that time of year again, the one we have all been working for.

This year I will be visiting Crete. I have some lovely friends there and I am really looking forward to seeing them again. unfortunatly one of them has been drafted to the army so He will not be able to meet up with us, But I am sure that it will be just as much fun with out him.

I am most looking forward to the drink and the riding on the backs of their bike (not at the same time). I rode with one of them last year and has such fun that now he has a new one I am a little scared and excited too. Will my arms come out of their sockets?

They all drink Tsikoudia, I would say it is like Vodka but goes down a lot smother but my favorite drink is Smirnoff North. you don't get it here only Norsk but this is a lot stronger and no so smooth to sip.

I think I have found every thing that I need for the holiday, but how the hell do you lose 2 bikini bottoms, one of which i only wore a few weeks ago.

While I am sat here I can here all the bikes going out for their Sunday ride, I hope that A is up for the ride today or I will have to go out on my own.

The Easter Weekend

I was a little down in the dumps, on Friday. It was the thought of sending Lilly to a friends and not using the bank holiday weekend to enjoy having a dog. To be able to walk with her and see her having fun.

The plan was to get our re-enactment items together, drop the dog round J's and finish the finial bits and bobs off before we when to Raglan Castle. Hubby realised I was not my normal self. So I explained that it was because I had to give Lilly away for the weekend and that I was just going to have to get on with it.

Everything went to plan and we arrived at Ragland Castle just as it was closing to the members of the public. We sent the tent up. It consists of a hand made (by Hubby) bed, this is brilliant for keeping us off the floor and away from the drafts. 2 tables, 1 for displaying the icons and pottery that we have. The other is for the food and not medieval items. we also have a large box full of Hubby's items (i am sure it can be reduced down but he like to have everything to hand).

Once I had got there and got busy I was fine, the group of people that we were with are very friendly. The solders actually come over to us and introduced themselves (this would never have happened if were with the old group).

We were very lucky to have very sunny days, I actually told Hubby not to bring my straw hat as the weather forecast was for overcast and possible rain and I didn't want it to get damp. So I have a sun burnt neck! The nights were VERY cold to the point there was frost on the ground. Having the 6 sheep skins under us and 8 sheep skins on top made it so warm that you didn't want to get out of bed in the morning.

I had fun cooking for Hubby and myself and talking to most of the ladies about wool and what you can do with it, but I don't have the same enthusiasm that I used to have. I was just looking forward to coming home and being warm.

Today.

A, was kind enough to ride my new bike out of the city so that I could ride round the quieter road of my town. There was a trade off with picking up a table for them but it was worth it.

The first ride on my shinny new bike was from J's house. I decided to make my first turning, into a busy road, a right hand turn. I was lucky enough to be let out of the junctions as the light down the road were red. I rode a round for about 5 minutes and then came home for a cup of tea.

A, adjusted my clutch for me as i was finding the biting point was a little to far away and I kept dumping the clutch (not a good thing) but it is much better now and my pulling away from the junctions are a lot smother.

I decided to go for another ride and A had mentioned that he thought that there was not enough air in my tires. He is used to riding a lot bigger bikes with larger wheels at the back, but I would check them anyway. so I went for a second ride along the sea front and down the posh shopping area. I had forgotten that at the bottom of that road was a very tight bend. Well I turned down it and found myself on the wrong side of the road! I was so lucky that the road was clear and I had plenty of time to get back to my side of the road. I think when I have another lesson with an instructor I will ask them to go with me to that bend and tell me how to get round it. With that I rode to the garage and check my tyre pressure (which was fine) and made my way home. I was just about to rain!

I am now thinking about roding to work tomorrow. If the weather is fine.

looking forward

Last Sunday I went out on the back of A's motorbike and looked at all the 125's that were available. It was great fun to instead of just looking at the bikes to actually sit on them and find out if they fit. I had to tell a few sales people that I didn't want a scooter i wanted a BIKE.

I think it is a women thing, but I always seam to go back to the first thing that you have seen a buy that one. It happened to me but I did find other possibilities but they were a lot more expensive and older.

I am really excited as I can go and pick up the bike on Tuesday. So I now have the gear so bring on the bike.

I can not pick the bike up any earlier as I have to re-enact the medieval period this weekend. I am not really looking forward to it but I have asked Hubby to do a few things for me over the last year so I really should join him.

I have just worked out that re-enactment will take up 3 of the 4 summer bank holidays this year so that is not making me too happy. I just feel that if I go and do this it is stopping me getting my veg garden going and I could actually pick the bike up tomorrow or Saturday. I am sure that the other bank holidays I will be able to find other things to do to.

Oh well I just have to get on with it!

Catching Up!

What a lot of time has passed since i last wrote.

Lilly and I have been walking a lot and she has been eating anything that has been left out!

I went to visit some Clan Friends in Holland last weekend. I was such fun! We rented a house in Holland There was 19 of us, they came from Holland, Germany, Greece and England.

The Clan leaders did their normal thing and sat in a corner for a while, discussing "business", while the rest of got drunk! They reminded me of the witches from Macbeth! I did my usual thing when I get drunk and get loud and bossy, they did not seam to mind. There was one friend there who's personal hygiene was not what it could have been, but how do you tell a grown man to go have a wash and clean his teeth?

The week before the clan meeting, I had my first lesson on a motorbike, I really enjoyed it and I I have decided to a buying a bike this weekend. I am having problems finding a crash helmet that I like and that is not too expensive. I would like a light coloured one but the ones that I have seen that I like are all dark. Oh well I will keep looking.

I meet up again with "The One", although I still care about him, I didn't have the same strong feelings that I had before. So I hope that I have got over it. But it was good to see him again.

Last year I meet someone who made me question whether I should have got married. I decided that I could not just throw away my marriage and should try and make it work.

Well for the last week I have been thinking about the this person more and more. We have kept our distance from one another so that I was not so tempted but hell! it's difficult.

Hubby and I get in from work and we both put on our computers, he has join a guild in a warcraft game and not end up playing that all night and I either search websites or play COD (new game came out). We never go out, no matter how much I ask him. And I have slowly lost all my real (not cyber) friends. All I want to do is go out and talk with people, real people not just words on a screen.

However I have be cheered a little this evening. the person that made me question things, came on line and started a chat with me. I could feel my mood lift straight away, but only 20 minutes in to the talk, his connect crash. So he text me and told me he would try later or tomorrow.

I can only hope that my hubby will one day look up from his computer and realise that I exist, with out me having to say something.